"Everybody can feather their nest, but it's not just anybody that can lay an egg!"
Caroline knelt down on one knee to get a more level view of her next task, "Heaven forbid you ever did anything wrong or forgot something. Just how do you tolerate us lesser folk?"
"Oh, I don't know, I suppose it's just one of my many qualities" Arabella sighed, stroking the top of Caroline's head, like a favourite pet.
"Now, this nurse woman. Frances and I went to visit Hector yesterday, and I didn't like her attitude. I think she's peculiar. The nurse I mean. She only let us visit for five minutes, said we were getting Heck too excited. Well, I suppose she meant me; Frances couldn't excite anybody."
"Anyhow, she virtually kicked me out, and she was all strict and mean to me and looking at me like she wanted to ravish me or something, well, I think she was staring at me, she's got an awful squint, did you notice that? Well, she probably wasn't staring at Frances. Nobody stares at Frances because she's blind, and they think that she'll think they're staring at her cause of it." Arabella rambled on, rather illogically.
She looked down.
"Hey, you're pretty good at that!" she gave Caroline due praise. "You can mow my lawn again!"
"But anyway, you just be careful round that Armentrout creature. She's definitely a oyster girl. And she might chloroform you or inject you or something and then ravish you while you're knocked out. I think she'd have done that to me if Frances hadn't been there to watch over me, and poor old Hector lying there with his busted lung and all." She was surely drifting into the realms of fantasy here, as was her wont.
Jumping to another subject, like a frog on a lily pond, she asked:
"Say, why did you get so ornery with Johnny when you came in?"
"I did not find her cross or crabby in the least, you have to realize as a nurse her concern is for the patient she's takin' care of, Hector, not your precious feelings. She probably didn't want him to have a long visit and, let's face it, hon, you can go on and on chatterin' away til the cows come home," Caroline pointed out, keeping her eyes on the work at hand. She did not want to cut Ara, she'd never hear the end of it.
"Hey, you're pretty good at that!" Arabella looked down when she was finished, "You can mow my lawn again!"
"Thanks, but next time I'll charge ya for it," Caroline seemed satisfied with the job she had just completed too.
Ara then went on about some nonsensical imagined danger the nurse posed. Honestly! Sometimes Caroline wondered when that house came down upon young Arabella if it damaged her brain to make her the way she was.
"That's a load of horse shit, Ara, she is nothing like that. And I think it very cruel of you to spread such talk about a newcomer to town. I'm askin' you nicely to stop all this," Caroline retorted in a firm tone of voice.
"Say, why did you get so ornery with Johnny when you came in?" Ara now asked.
"Is that his name, I had no idea who he was. Except that he certainly wasn't a beau. Wait you two ain't sharin' a bed are ya? I thought you just liked wimmen? " Caroline replied.
The apartment had the lived in look of two people sharing it, now that she took a second look.
"Everybody can feather their nest, but it's not just anybody that can lay an egg!"
"That's a load of horse shit, Ara, she is nothing like that."
Arabella got the slight impression that Caroline didn't agree with her opinions on Nurse Armentrout.
"And I think it very cruel of you to spread such talk about a newcomer to town. I'm askin' you nicely to stop all this," Caroline retorted in a firm tone of voice.
The dark-haired actress stroked Caroline's head some more. "Hmmm, I like it when you're firm with me. I wish Dolly'd stand up to me like that. Sometimes I think she's kind of too nice. Know what I mean?"
"Say, why did you get so ornery with Johnny when you came in?" Ara now asked.
"Is that his name, I had no idea who he was. Except that he certainly wasn't a beau."
Arabella laughed. "It's just Astin, John Astin, I work with him. He's the juvenile lead to my ingénue, except Mr Darling says I'm the juvenile one! Old grump. Astin's meant to share a room with him but he sleeps in here cause Darling snores worse than you do!" she explained.
"Wait you two ain't sharin' a bed are ya? I thought you just liked wimmen?" Caroline replied.
"Oh... OH! He he! Well, yes, we do sleep together, it's nice and warm for me, and he escapes Darling's stentorian snores, but there's no... I mean, Johnny and Darling are both, you know, peculiar, like me. In fact the only 'normal' person in the troupe is La Hardy. Least, she's got some feller sniffing around her, so I presume she is, you might have seen him, works here at the hotel."
Caroline had moved on to Arabella's legs, her pudenda was now as smooth as a peach.
"Oh well, I'll give your nurse Armentrout another chance, seeing as you think she's so nice." Arabella declared with an air of great munificence "But you got to admit one thing... she is plum ugly!"
The dark-haired actress stroked Caroline's head some more. "Hmmm, I like it when you're firm with me. I wish Dolly'd stand up to me like that. Sometimes I think she's kind of too nice. Know what I mean?"
"No, no I don't. I have no idea why you think being too nice is a bad thing. I'll have you know I've made a career out of being nice ta people in that saloon. I don't even like some of them. And yeah, I'm not ALWAYS nice, hell, I ain't a fucking saint. But seems to me this Dolly is perfect for you. Even with all yer issues....and trust me, you have a lot of 'em, she puts up with you. She even loves you," Caroline took issue with her good friend. Someone had to tell her the truth.
Arabella explained this Mr. Astin...or Johnny, what his role was. Caroline didn't really care long as Ara was safe and happy and the man was harmless.
Caroline had moved on to Arabella's legs, "Hold still now. Or these sticks of yers will have cuts on 'em."
"Oh well, I'll give your nurse Armentrout another chance, seeing as you think she's so nice." Arabella declared with an air of great munificence "But you got to admit one thing... she is plum ugly!"
"Good....and yes, she does have a real skin problem what with all those pimples. But take those away and she almost reminds me of you. She's scrawny just like you. And you know I've long said that you are one pretty young miss. So spend less time judging her on her looks and more time judging her on what she does for the town and what she believes in."
"Lemme tell ya, I warned her right off it might not be smart to be seen with me in public given my reputation among some folk in this town and she surprised me saying she made her own mind up about people and did not care what others thought. We have resolved to be friends. Now that is why I like her," explained Caroline.
"Oh well, I'll give your nurse Armentrout another chance, seeing as you think she's so nice." Arabella declared with an air of great munificence "But you got to admit one thing... she is plum ugly!"
"Everybody can feather their nest, but it's not just anybody that can lay an egg!"
"No, no I don't. I have no idea why you think being too nice is a bad thing.”
“It’s boring!” Arabella gave the truthful answer, at least from her point of view. “That’s why I love you, you’re not nicey nicey all the time”
“I'll have you know I've made a career out of being nice ta people in that saloon. I don't even like some of them. And yeah, I'm not ALWAYS nice, hell, I ain't a fucking saint.”
“You swear too much, for starters! Saints don't curse, even when they're being martyred in painful and inventive ways.” laughed Arabella, who herself would never even say the D word.
“But seems to me this Dolly is perfect for you. Even with all yer issues....and trust me, you have a lot of 'em, she puts up with you. She even loves you"
“Hmmm… I have got a whole bunch of ‘issues’, haven’t I?” she mused, rather proud of the fact “I’m sooo complicated!”
Caroline had moved on to Arabella's legs, "Hold still now. Or these sticks of yers will have cuts on 'em."
“Hey, careful” Arabella warned “They might look like pipe cleaners, but they’re the only ones half the respectable men in Kalispell ever get to see.” She usually found an excuse to flash them on stage, even in stodgy serious plays, along with her miserable excuse for a cleavage.
"Oh well, I'll give your nurse Armentrout another chance, seeing as you think she's so nice." Arabella declared with an air of great munificence "But you got to admit one thing... she is plum ugly!"
"Good....and yes, she does have a real skin problem what with all those pimples. But take those away and she almost reminds me of you. She's scrawny just like you.”
“True” agreed Arabella.
“And you know I've long said that you are one pretty young miss.”
“True” laughed Ara again, not that she really believed that. In Arabella’s mind, there were three levels of feminine beauty: the frigid perfect cold and glass-like beauty of someone like Anæsthesia Orr or Leah Steelgrave; then the warmer slightly flawed beauty of Miriam or Caroline or Bridget, that was the true beauty, that was beauty you could fall in love with; finally there was her kind of looks: not so great but enough to fake up and dress up and disguise with sheer vivacity. After that was just ugliness – the Jemimas and Adelheids of the world.
Oh Lord, was Caroline still lecturing her from down there?
“…. So spend less time judging her on her looks and more time judging her on what she does for the town and what she believes in."
“Very well, Mistress, I shall henceforth worship at the feet of Saint Adelheid the Ugly!” declared Arabella, inadvertently disclosing the fact that she had taken the effort to find out the plain Nurse’s Christian name.
"Lemme tell ya, I warned her right off it might not be smart to be seen with me in public given my reputation among some folk in this town and she surprised me saying she made her own mind up about people and did not care what others thought. We have resolved to be friends. Now that is why I like her," explained Caroline.
Arabella ruffled golden mop of hair as the other girl rinsed off her legs with the warm water. Good, no cuts.
“All right, blondie. Hey, seeing as you’re down there, and if you are so nice and obliging as you say you are…”
“You swear too much, for starters! Saints don't curse, even when they're being martyred in painful and inventive ways.” laughed Arabella.
"I don't believe that, I bet that Joan of Arc Frenchie girl swore plenty as she got roasted," Caroline brought up the only saint back story she really even knew thanks to a book and it wasn't the Bible either.
"I'm soooo complicated," Ara was happy to admit it.
"Yeah, that's one word for it, hon. Not the one I'da used," smirked Caroline as she began to stroke down one leg with the sharp razor, she knew what she was doing despite her warning to the girl.
“Hey, careful” Arabella warned “They might look like pipe cleaners, but they’re the only ones half the respectable men in Kalispell ever get to see.”
"Yeah the less respectful ones get to see mine," grinned the saloon girl, who also was not shy.
Once she was done with the task she used both her hands to rinse down both legs, "There, kiddo, good as new."
Arabella ruffled golden mop of Caroline's hair.
“All right, blondie. Hey, seeing as you’re down there, and if you are so nice and obliging as you say you are…”
Now it was Caroline's turn to laugh out loud, "I know what you are angling for and the answer's no. Get your boring little Miriam to do that. I ain't drunk today."
Once she stood up she made a quick move and pinched both of Ara's nipples, hard enough that it hurt. Then laughed again, "You'll have to settle for that, hon!"
"Everybody can feather their nest, but it's not just anybody that can lay an egg!"
Now it was Caroline's turn to laugh out loud, "I know what you are angling for and the answer's no. Get your boring little Miriam to do that. I ain't drunk today."
Not that there was that much opportunity for that, even; of late, Arabella and Miriam hadn't even seen that much of each other: Miriam was always at the Drapers or at home helping Mama Kaufmann cook bagels or briskets or challah or latkes or what-not (all delicious, she had to admit) and she was always at the theatre or, when Mr Jolly specially asked her, still doing the odd bit of funeral work, or at Church on Sunday which Miriam didn't go to and... well, she might as well not have a girlfriend at this rate.
Once she stood up she made a quick move and pinched both of Ara's nipples, hard enough that it hurt. Then laughed again, "You'll have to settle for that, hon!"
"OW! You..." Arabella made a futile kick at Caroline with a frothy foot, missed, and fell down into the small tin bath with a splosh. Oh well, she needed to rinse off. She did so and clambered out, muttering "Towel, towel, towel..." She wrapped the thing around herself.
"How's it going with Mississippi? I heard you two were knockin' boots since Greene Apples rode into the Sunset." the black haired girl asked Caroline
"OW! You..." Arabella made a futile kick at Caroline with a frothy foot, missed, and fell down into the small tin bath with a splosh.
"Oh you loved it!" Caroline was confident in that assessment.
Arabella clambered out, muttering "Towel, towel, towel..."
Caroline reached for one and tossed it to her, "Here, ya big baby."
Ara wrapped the thing around herself. Meanwhile, Caroline poured that drink she had promised herself in the meantime then took a gulp.
"How's it going with Mississippi? I heard you two were knockin' boots since Greene Apples rode into the Sunset." the black haired girl asked.
"It's goin' fine. He's a decent sort, really. And yes, we're fuckin' each other, since I'm sure that's all you care about regardin' the situation. It's legal ya know," Caroline did not hesitate to answer then finished off the whiskey with a second big gulp.
"Everybody can feather their nest, but it's not just anybody that can lay an egg!"
Caroline reached for one and tossed it to her, "Here, ya big baby."
"Oh, thanks! Brrr, so cold..." Arabella said, taking the thing and wrapping it round herself.
She watched the blonde girl take Astin's bottle of whiskey and pour herself a good glassful. Good old Caroline, she didn't change much. Arabella had a genuine question.
"How's it going with Mississippi? I heard you two were knockin' boots since Greene Apples rode into the Sunset." the black haired girl asked.
"It's goin' fine. He's a decent sort, really."
"Oh, I know!" nodded Arabella.
"And yes, we're fuckin' each other, since I'm sure that's all you care about regardin' the situation. It's legal ya know," Caroline did not hesitate to answer then finished off the whiskey with a second big gulp.
Arabella laughed. "He he he. I don't care where he sticks his diddler, long as it isn't in me. Have another. Astin's not a real big drinker, he won't miss it. I think he won it in a poker game; quite unlike him to win. That card sharp Ben Simons usually fleeces him."
She thought of another topic.
"How're you getting along with your friendly neighbourhood Ladies of the Evening these days? Sally Cutts says the place is heaving with them." Arabella was somewhat winding Caroline up here, she knew she loathed having the whores in the saloon.
Arabella laughed. "He he he. I don't care where he sticks his diddler, long as it isn't in me. Have another. Astin's not a real big drinker, he won't miss it. I think he won it in a poker game; quite unlike him to win. That card sharp Ben Simons usually fleeces him."
"Well, that is his fault then for continually allowing himself to be fleeced. Simons ain't twisting anyone's arm to play cards with him," obviously Caroline's well of sympathy only went so deep.
"How're you getting along with your friendly neighbourhood Ladies of the Evening these days? Sally Cutts says the place is heaving with them."
That was a sudden change of subjects. And Caroline knew right off what Ara was trying to do.
"They're there, I'm there. We really have nothing to do with each other. I do my job and they do theirs, if you can call that a job. I guess it is....isn't there a saying about whoring being one of the oldest professions in the world. Nice try, hon," Caroline did not grab a second glassful but instead headed for the door.
"You take care, hon. See ya around," she smiled before leaving.