Weedy and Jane were playing with Farley in the Chappel's back yard. Jane gave an enormous yawn which she, of course, covered politely with her hand.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Porter, I'm just so dreadful tuckered, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I'm sure I must look dreadful this morning!" she explained, not missing the chance to fish for a compliment.
"Ma's got that elephant sleeping in my bed, and I'm having to squeeze in with my sisters. You never heard such a noise as those two make: when one's snoring their head off, the other's talkin' in her sleep and Vicki Verki. And what those two dream about, Lord alone knows! An' poor old Clemmy had to sleep on the floor, didn't you dear?"
Farley turned his big puppy eyes to the empty space that the girl in the mauve smock was talking to, tipped his cute head and gave an odd little whine.
Jane turned back earnestly to Weedy.
"Clemmy says that ghosts can see what happens in people's dreams, but she's not going to tell us about Flo and Little Patty's because it'd make us hurl our breakfasts."
"Anyhow, that big lump's in my bed and her big smelly feet stick out the end and she's eating us out of house and home. I can believe what they say about her trying to steal Mrs Pike's baby to eat it. I reckon she's probably a cannonball on top of everything else. Mr Pike should have got her right between the eyes instead of just putting one through her shoulder." the bespectacled girl ranted on while giving Farley's tummy a vigorous rubbing.
"Maybe he's not so good a shot?" Weedy suggested, although he doubted that, since Mr. Pike was, after all, a lawman. "Or he had a reason not to kill her?" He about added that maybe the deputy had intended to leave the girl alive specifically to put Jane out of her bed, but he didn't think that Jane would see the humor in that!
"Kinda strange, though, that she and her brother said that Mr. Pike is their pa. Do you really think she'd eat a baby?" He scratched Farley's ears, thinking a moment then asking, "What about puppies?" Certainly, if someone would eat babies, they'd eat puppies, too! But then, all he really knew about the intruder to the P-F household was the little that Jane had told him.
"Maybe you can stay here?" he suggested, "there's plenty of room. You can sleep in my bed and I can sleep on the floor. Oh, and there's room in the bed for Clemmy, too." He'd just given in on that detail and pretended...and maybe Clemmy was 'real', but he couldn't be sure.
"Maybe he's not so good a shot?" Weedy suggested.
"Well, ob-vus-ly he's no Quentin Cantrell, but you should see the size of her! That big fat head. It'd be like pluggin' a punkin from a foot away" Jane opined.
Weedy had an alternative idea:
"Or he had a reason not to kill her?"
Jane shrugged, such a reason eluded her totally as far as Big Sis was concerned.
"Kinda strange, though, that she and her brother said that Mr. Pike is their pa..."
"Really!? Who told you that?!" Jane asked. Her Ma was keeping that quiet, for some reason.
"Do you really think she'd eat a baby?"
"Uh huh" nodded Jane matter-of-factly, as if he shouldn't even have to ask.
He scratched Farley's ears, thinking a moment then asking, "What about puppies?"
That took a little more thought. "I reckon so" she decided eventually "But she'd probably skin 'em alive first."
Farley gave a sad little whimper.
"Maybe you can stay here?" he suggested, "there's plenty of room. You can sleep in my bed and I can sleep on the floor. Oh, and there's room in the bed for Clemmy, too." He'd just given in on that detail and pretended...and maybe Clemmy was 'real', but he couldn't be sure.
"Oh Porter! What a scandalous proposition! You are awful!!" she protested, pleased as punch with the idea, at least, that he would give up his bed for her. "Mother would never agree to such a thing" she said "She guards our honour very closely, you know" she added, meaning, presumably, Jane and her two sisters.
There was also another reason she didn't want to share a room with her sweetheart - according to Flo, she farted in her sleep.
Image was everything in a love affair.
Weedy wasn't really sure what all the fuss was about, or how his 'proposition' was scandalous, nor what honor had to do with it, but he wasn't going to ask, so he just shrugged. "Well, if it gets real bad..."
Idly, he stroked Farley's head, trying to shake the vision of that woman skinning him before eating him. "We'll make sure Farley stays here, safe. What does Clemmy think about her?" May as well see if there was anything else to find out! "Does she go in there alone? Do they let you see her?" Now the curiosity was flowing! "Have you talked to her? Maybe they're saving her for the sideshow that's coming?"
"We'll make sure Farley stays here, safe. What does Clemmy think about her?" May as well see if there was anything else to find out!
Jane turned her head slightly, as if listening, and hmphed "Tuh, she says she likes her, but that's just Clemmy being contrary."
"Does she go in there alone? Do they let you see her?" Now the curiosity was flowing!
"See her? Ugh, you can't not see her... she fills the whole house up!" Jane complained.
"Have you talked to her? Maybe they're saving her for the sideshow that's coming?"
Jane laughed, maybe a little too maliciously for someone who thought of themselves as a nice little girl. Then she looked at Weedy quizzically.
"Do you want to see her?" she asked directly.
Oh, well, there was a tempting offer! And while Weedy was pretty sure that gawking at a freakish baby-eating murderer wasn't very Christian, and that Addy wouldn't approve, he was insanely curious.
"Dunno, maybe?" He shrugged, playing disinterest, then added, "I guess it wouldn't hurt to peek in the window or something. Isn't your Ma afraid she'll get out and strangle you all in your sleep or something?" It was probably a good thing that Jane was relegated to sleeping with her sisters...maybe the woman would go for them first, and Jane could escape!
Oh dear, we're all of a flutter!
"Dunno, maybe?" He shrugged, playing disinterest.
"We don't have to... we can play hopscotch instead" suggested Jane. "I had a chunk of chalk in my pinny.... now where did that lil' rascal go...?" she muttered, hunting around in the front pocket of her apron.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to peek in the window or something. Isn't your Ma afraid she'll get out and strangle you all in your sleep or something?"
"She's more worried about my brothers, she's told them to lock their doors at night." Jane informed Weedy blithely. "Come on then" she commanded "Heel!" It wasn't clear if that added instruction was for Weedy or for Farley, but the pooch duly got in line.
Jane let the pair into the house at the back, rather than going through the Tailor Shop entrance that fronted onto Kalispell Main Street; as they entered some delightful music could be heard somewhere further into the building. They followed it to its source: a comfortable parlour where they met with a rather unusual spectacle: one of Jane's sisters sitting at an upright piano-forte, one of her brothers playing the flute and opposite them, like an outsize queen on a throne, an enormously tall, massively obese girl who looked like she was in some kind of a stupor.
They stopped playing when Jane, Weedy and Farley trotted in.
"Hullo, Mouse, you'll never guess what? New Sis likes music!"
"She's not our sister" muttered Jane, darkly, doing nothing to disguise the hatred in her eyes as she glared at the giantess.
"'Music hath charms to quell the savage breast' or what have you!" the nerdy looking young man chirped on, ignoring or unaware of his 'Mouse's' ire. Apparently that was Jane's nickname within the family. "I'll still be locking my door at night, though!" he added, before peering through his specs at Weedy.
"And who's this, Mouse, some young Lothario?" he teased "I hope, Sir, that your intentions toward my sister are honorable!" he declared with mock solemnity.
"Oh don't be an ass, Forde" the girl at the piano now spoke. She was like a bigger, rather prettier, version of Jane herself. The fact that the three siblings looked so similar, made the ginger girl look even more like the proverbial 'Cuckoo in the Nest' that Jane so obviously considered her to be.
"You must be Weedy, I'm pleased to meet you." she smiled sympathetically at him.
"Wheeedy?!" cried the brother "Ahhhhh... one of the famous Kalispell Wheedies! Well, that's different! You have my permission to wed, 'pon receipt of a suitable marriage settlement, of course..."
"Ignore Forde" the older girl said "I'm Jane's sister, Patricia. And this is Cicely, I imagine it's her you've come to see."
The big girl had said nothing, she was just gazing happily at Farley who, not having understood the previous conversation, was fearlessly sniffing around the hem of Sis's skirts.
"Do stand up Cicely, Weedy here's come specially to see how amazingly big and tall you are, won't you oblige him?"
'Little Patty' had a way speaking the plain truth so nicely and gently that nobody could ever really take offence at it. Cicely Lister stood and in doing so, took on a whole new dimension. She towered above them, her head touching the ceiling of the room.
Farley barked excitedly and Forde Patterson Forde grinned at Weedy "Bit of a whopper, isn't she?"
Jane made the decision for them -- that's what Weedy told himself, anyway -- and she took off with Farley, whom he'd thought they were going to leave here, and not take near the puppy-eater, and he had no choice but to follow, right? Just to make sure the dog was protected, not to get a gander at the giant!
Wasn't it a surprise, then, to find the subject of curiosity seated sedately, listening to the piano and flute! Not what he'd expected from a baby and puppy eater!
"And who's this, Mouse, some young Lothario?" he teased "I hope, Sir, that your intentions toward my sister are honorable!"
There was that 'honor' again, and Weedy wasn't sure what that meant in this context, much the less what a 'Lothario' was! So, with no snappy reply, he just made a face at the young man, refraining from asking why he still lived at home with his Mommy and Daddy when he was obviously old enough to be on his own!
Then came the taunts about 'Kalispell Weedys', causing the tow-head boy to roll his eyes. All his life, he'd been teased and made fun of, so it really didn't bother him.
Now, the question of marriage...and to Jane! That gave him pause, and he was about to toss out a retort when sister spoke up.
"Ignore Forde" the older girl said "I'm Jane's sister, Patricia. And this is Cicely, I imagine it's her you've come to see."
"Oh, well..." His initial reaction was to say, 'No', but what they were up to was bad enough already without adding lying to it! At least she didn't give him time to answer as she introduced Miss Cicely, then asked her to stand.
Well, that left the young boy speechless, feeling like a Lilliputian, facing a real-life Gulliver! Then he noticed that Farley was sniffing around the massive woman and he felt his heart sink! Of course, she wouldn't be so brazen as to eat the pup right there with everyone watching?
"Bit of a whopper, isn't she?"
"Tall," Weedy muttered, his attention torn between the spectacle and the puppy. "Farley, come here, boy!" But the dog was more interested in anything new, and was yapping at Cicely for pets. Weedy glanced at Jane then back to the over-sized girl. "Why'd you want to eat Mrs. Pike's baby?" he blurted out, instantly regretting it!
Oh dear, we're all of a flutter!
"Tall," Weedy muttered, his attention torn between the spectacle and the puppy.
"Yes, something of an understatement" laughed Forde Patterson Forde. "Thank you, Cicely, dear. But please do sit down again, you make me quite giddy, looming up there, and you're drawing attention to the cobwebs on the ceiling!" he added.
The big girl did as she was bid and looked down benignly at the animal at her feet.
"Doggy" she said in a ponderous contralto.
"Farley, come here, boy!" But the dog was more interested in anything new, and was yapping at Cicely for pets. Weedy glanced at Jane then back to the over-sized girl.
FPF was just about to reassure the lad in terms of don't worry, she doesn't eat puppies! when the boy burst out with an even worse insinuation.
"Why'd you want to eat Mrs. Pike's baby?" he blurted out, instantly regretting it!
The reaction from each of the Patterson Forde siblings was different: Big Sis herself burst out in tears, and heaved a big "I DIN!", Jane smirked, Patricia looked at Jane balefully and the skittish Forde placed his flute on top of the piano and went over to the sobbing giantess.
"There there, old fruit, weeee know you didn't. I don't know who spreads these awful rumours!!" he said tersely.
"I have a good idea who." replied Little Patty, holding Jane in her glare, although that little girl presented a picture of innocence. Farley gave a little whine and jumped up on the fat girl's lap, and Cicely stroked his head: the feeling of the mutt's silky fur under her hand apparently consoling her to the extent that she stopped crying. Forde produced a lovely white hanky from his pocket and wiped Sis's nose with it and then, examining it, decided she'd better keep it, tucking it up her sleeve for future use.
Patricia looked thoughtful.
"Forde, it's time for Father to have his medicine, take Jane to help. Mr Chappel and the doggy will be fine here with me for a little while." Her manner, like her namesake mother's, was rather commanding. Forde was about to object that it was not his turn at this task, but perceived in his sister's manner that she was about some business or other.
Jane didn't look pleased, but did as she was bidden.
Now it was just Weedy, Patricia and Big Sis in the room. And Farley, of course, who so far hadn't been eaten.
"Have a seat, Mr Chappel, you and I need to talk." the older girl said, ominously.
She started with a question "I imagine that Jane has been saying some quite awful things about our new member of the family?" Apparently she didn't mind asking this with Sis present; the mentally backward girl being considered oblivious to the conversation.
Weedy hadn't meant to make Sis cry, and it immediately felt really bad that he had, especially since it was mere speculation. And when Miss Patricia sent Forde and Jane away, he knew he was in for it! And rightly so.
"Have a seat, Mr Chappel, you and I need to talk." the older girl said, ominously.
"Yes, miss..." Staring at the floor, he did as bidden, no longer so much worried about Farley being skinned alive and eaten, and more for what he knew was coming.
She started with a question "I imagine that Jane has been saying some quite awful things about our new member of the family?"
"Maybe..." He shrugged, not wanting to get hid friend into trouble, but maybe... "Clemmy said a little, but there's people around town talking." Sort of true, but mentioning Clemmy...probably not too smart! "His name is Farley," he now addressed Big Sis, trying to divert attention. "He's a boy and lives at my house."