"Smokey! Sic em, boy, sic em!"
It was all Justus could do not to burst into laughter at Granny's aborted accusation, shaking his head. "No, Ma'am, cow's is great fer steaks, but I seen way too many backsides!"
"Glad to hear it!" Granny declared "Not like that Jimmy Miller; some o' the sounds y'hear coming from that pig pen he's got back of the Saddlers, makes you wonder. He's even got one big sow livin' in the house with him!"
"Peww" frowned Leonora "What about the smell??"
"Oh, I reckon the sow's just about gotten used to that by now" Granny replied, cracking a joke even older than she was. Em gave a burp of disapproval and spit up on Granny's shawl a little in protest.
Lee's comment pretty much went right over Justus' head, except for the implication that he should be in a hurry. "Well, like I said, I kinda want ta be more settled before I expect some nice gal ta put her trust in me that we ain't gonna be livin' in a tent." He grinned. "'Course, I reckon that'd mean cuddlin' on cold nights!"
"I reckon the right girl wouldn't mind living in a tent with you" Lee put in casually, smiling across at Justus.
"Stop trying to flutter your eyelashes, child, you look like you're havin' a stroke!" the old woman advised her granddaughter, before noticing the white vomit on her shawl, "What in tarnation..."
She noticed something else then, too. She sniffed the air and looked at Justus suspiciously.
"What's that smell? Say, boy, show me the bottom of yer boots!" she said to the poor innocent cowpoke.
"Oh Granny, it's obviously little Em! Give her back to me..." the younger woman said, getting up "... I'll go and change her."
Mrs Miggins looked visibly relieved, for a minute there she thought that she herself might have had one of her little 'accidents'.
Justus chuckled at Granny's story about Jimmy Miller, although he didn't really believe it, but it took the edge off some of the tension and made him more relaxed with the old lady. In fact, the look on her face when little Em barfed on her brought a huge smile to his face.
"Weren't me!" he declared, chuckling. "See now, there's another reason ta steer clear'a babies! Shake 'em up a bit an' see whacha get! Cows don't do that." Again, he chuckled. "'Course, they do more, from th' other end, but at least it's outside an' mostly not on yer front!"
He never would have thought he'd be sitting in a cafe having a conversation about literal bullshit with and old lady and her granddaughter!
"Weren't me!" he declared, chuckling. "See now, there's another reason ta steer clear'a babies! Shake 'em up a bit an' see whacha get! Cows don't do that." Again, he chuckled. "'Course, they do more, from th' other end, but at least it's outside an' mostly not on yer front!"
Granny was cackling merrily at Justus' bon mot when she peered toward the door and her face fell.
"Oh, it's that silly girl from the saloon. I hope she doesn't... oh drat it, here she comes!" the old lady scowled.
"Hello Mrs Miggins! Hello Justus! Ooh, what are you two talking about?!" Sally Cutts greeted the odd looking couple brightly.
"Cow shit." answered Granny flatly.
The smile froze on Sally's face, but give the girl credit, she pushed gamely on.
"Oh! That's nice. Oh, Mrs Miggins, have you heard about the new French knot?"
"Eh? Whassat?"
"THE FRENCH KNOT!" Sally repeated with a bit more volume.
"Sounds disgusting!" the octogenarian spat "Just the sort of thing those froggies'd get up to! My Grandpa fought agin 'em back in the '50s..." she meant the 1750s "... and they were on our side in the rebellion, but my Pa never trusted 'em with their mincin' ways and all smellin' of perfume. I prefer people who smell of honest stuff like horse sweat..." she glanced Justus "...or beer slops." she said, shifting her gimlet eye to Sally.
Sally held the top of her smock to her nose and then decided that this was going nowhere and swapped to talking the handsome cowboy sitting next to the old bat. It seemed an odd sort of dinner date, but there was no accounting for taste; apparently that handsome Brendan Connelly at the Butchers' had been seeing a crippled girl with one leg before he hooked up with Caroline, and Jimmy Miller made cow eyes at pigs. If Justus had a thing about old ladies, well, it explained why younger girls like herself seemed to make no dent upon his heart.
Anyway, it wasn't him she was really interested in...
"And how are you, Justus? And how's..." she gulped "....Cade?? He not with you today??" her enormous saucer eyes scanned the diner in case he was hiding under a table or something.
The already-over female table got even more female as Miss Sally arrived and floated over to them, settling among the other hens and rambling on about knots.
"Can't say I've heard of a French knot," Justus commented by way of being polite, "but I can tie a bowline, barrel hitch, clove hitch, sheepshank, Carrick bend...even a noose..."
Well, maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that last!
"I'd be pleased if ya could show me that French one!"
But Miss Sally was already moving on...
"And how are you, Justus? And how's..." she gulped "....Cade?? He not with you today??"
"I'm doin' right good, thanks fer askin'..." Not counting that he wanted to run away as fast as he could! "Oh, an' Cade? No, he ain't here, he's back at th' ranch, chasin' cows, or muckin' stalls or somethin'." He grinned. "Boy sure does talk about ya a lot, though."
He was teasing, and regretted the words as soon as he said them, but maybe she wouldn't pay attention.
"Smokey! Sic em, boy, sic em!"
"Can't say I've heard of a French knot," Justus commented by way of being polite, "but I can tie a bowline, barrel hitch, clove hitch, sheepshank, Carrick bend...even a noose..."
“Good!” Granny pronounced with an air of satisfaction “I got a whole list of folks round here I’d like to invite to a neck-tie party! You can help me out there, son.”
Sally tipped her head as the cowpoke turned his gaze on her.
"I'd be pleased if ya could show me that French one!"
“I’d love to!!” Sally ejaculated.
“Don’t get excited, he means French knot, child, not kiss” Sally didn’t know what that meant, so she covered up by asking Mr Gibbs a more mundane question.
"And how are you, Justus? And how's..." she gulped "....Cade?? He not with you today??"
"I'm doin' right good, thanks fer askin'..." Not counting that he wanted to run away as fast as he could! "Oh, an' Cade? No, he ain't here, he's back at th' ranch, chasin' cows, or muckin' stalls or somethin'." He grinned. "Boy sure does talk about ya a lot, though."
“Really?!” gasped Sally and then the oddest thing happened, the girl burst out in tears.
“Oh Sweet Jesus, what’s ailin’ ya now, child?!!” frowned Granny
“I’m so happy!!” wept Sally, smiling and crying at the same time.
“Huh! You don’t know what he says about ya, yet!” Granny pointed out. She looked at Justus “What does he say about her?!”
Sally looked at Justus expectantly.
Now he'd done it!
Flustered, Justus tried to think of a good reply, but he wasn't very good at talking to ladies, nor lying this way, nor thinking 'on his feet'. "Oh, well..." What to say without making the poor girl cry even more? Why did females cry so anyway? Sure, there was plenty to wail and moan about, but they seemed to want to carry on about things that...well, weren't even things!
"We was just talkin', how we had a nice time at th' saloon, an' how we wished we'd'a not been with Mrs. Pike that day so we could'a spent more time there."
That sounded reasonable, right? And was mostly true!
"We was just talkin', how we had a nice time at th' saloon, an' how we wished we'd'a not been with Mrs. Pike that day so we could'a spent more time there."
Sally gasped "He said that?!"
"Ain't exactly a declaration of undying love!" grumped Granny.
But Sally wasn't listening, her mind was racing ahead.
"Ooh, ohh, Justus: please tell Cade that I've got a couple of theatre tickets for the opening night. I... I'd be more than willing if he wanted to come along with me." she said coyly.
Seemed like everybody had free tickets round here but Granny, but that old woman contented herself with a terse "Well, I don't wanna see that Mudd girl prancin' around on stage, she's bad enough in real life!"
"Oh, but Mrs Miggins, Miss Mudd will be revealing her Salome to the world!" Sally gushed, being a fan of the little actress.
"From what I heard, child, that ain't all she'll be revealing to the world!" said Granny, wagging her finger.
Sally just rolled her eyes at the ancient philistine, and then turned them back on Justus "You will tell him, won't you?" she asked the lad almost pleadingly.
"Oh, I got tickets fer that, too," Justus told Sally, "I'm gonna be goin' with Miss Constance, if it works out." Here was a way to salvage Cade's love life! "Sometimes hard ta get th' time, there's lots goin' on on a ranch, so there's no tellin' when we might get a chance ta come inta town. Most times, we have a day off, we end up sleepin' it away!"
That was true, on occasion, since there never seemed to be enough time to sleep...always something to do! That was why these trips to town, while still work, were a welcome change.
"I'll let 'im know, though. I know I'm real curious ta find out what all this theater fuss is about...an' what Miss Arabella's goin' ta reveal." Of course, he wasn't even thinking what Granny was!
"Oh, I got tickets fer that, too," Justus told Sally, "I'm gonna be goin' with Miss Constance, if it works out."
“Ooooh!” cooed Sally and turned those big saucer eyes on the nearby waitress, and then grinned madly at Justus.
"Sometimes hard ta get th' time, there's lots goin' on, on a ranch, so there's no tellin' when we might get a chance ta come inta town. Most times, we have a day off, we end up sleepin' it away!"
“Well, no sleepin’ on the 1st of April! You’re needed here. Oh, I don’t think I’ll even bother going unless I’ve got a handsome young man to take me in on his arm!” Sally declared. “And I expect…” what had he called her? “… Contance will feel the same.”
"I'll let 'im know, though. I know I'm real curious ta find out what all this theater fuss is about...an' what Miss Arabella's goin' ta reveal." Of course, he wasn't even thinking what Granny was!
“Hmph! Seeing anything of that girl would be too much!” grumped Granny.
“Oh, anything Miss Mudd does is ‘strictly for important dramatic purposes’” Sally informed them, clearly parroting what the egotistical actress had told her.
Leonora rejoined them, with a nice clean newly-diapered baby. Sally jumped up with delight and soon she was taking Emeline in her arms for a turn. The girl was acquiring new ‘aunties’, real or adopted, by the minute.
“Oooh!” exclaimed Sally “I think she wants to go to ‘Uncle Justus’” indeed, the child was holding our her chubby fingers toward the cowpoke.
Justus was still pondering on what was going to be so scandalous about Miss Arabella's show, but he reckoned he'd find out, and if Miss Constance wanted to see it, how bad could it be?
But before he could draw any conclusions, baby Em was being thrust at him...at 'Uncle Justus'...and he had no choice but to scoot his chair back a bit so there was room to take the infant in his arms.
"She's real pretty," he muttered, holding her as gingerly as he could, not wanting to harm her, or break her, or, god forbid, drop her! She was so small and delicate, and it was a wonder that any baby could grow up to be an actual adult! "Don't weigh nothin' at all, do she?"
He still couldn't imagine having one of these that was his own!