Shintaro smiled, knowing exactly what Tully meant. He too took comfort in the sounds of nature, seeing and hearing all the beauty around him. It was especially important when death could be just around the corner. He fought in many battles both before and during the Boshin War, seeing blood and death all around him. He took pleasure in the sight of his foes falling away from his sword, their blood spilling upon the ground. That didn't meant once the fighting was over he wasn't left with the horror war brought to so many. So many widows, mothers, sons and daughters wailing over the loss of loved ones. The only way to move past the death and blood was to know how to cleanse one's mind of such images and focus once more on the present and the knowledge you live yet another day.

"The same focus you have when drawing is the same mindset you need to reach while meditating and especially when in a dangerous or frightening situation. With your mind focused, you'll find it easier to react to it, whether its preparing to use self defense to protect yourself or others, or if it would be wiser to leave as quickly as you can. Even if somebody else is in danger, it may be best to run to get help than engage in the situation yourself, especially if the odds are against you."

As a samurai it was expected he would be ready to throw his life away for duty but most Lords didn't want their men to throw their lives away needlessly. Samurai were highly skilled warriors and wasting their lives for trivial reasons was just foolish and worse, dishonourable. Coming back with reinforcements or sounding alarms before rushing into battle often was the wisest course.

Tully nodded, mulling over his words, understanding how she could use her drawing, or even 'drawing' in her head, to let the outside world fall away and be replaced by peace.  Even just thinking about it, she could feel that sensation of, well, nothingness, settling over her.

"Never thought'a it like that," she murmured, looking steadily at Shin.  "Knew it was somethin' I wanted, just didn't know how, didn't have th' way..?"  She didn't know if she was making sense or not, and this was something she'd never put words to, because she'd never had the environment to pursue it.

"I think..."  Maybe he didn't want to hear what she thought, but he was here, and she needed to express herself so she could have something to act on.  "It ain't easy ta take that step, movin' forward an' makin' a new person outta yerself.  Not even sure how ta do that, but I think I got folks who can help me."

Laughing, she shook her head.  "Didn't mean ta put this all out to ya, ya don't gotta pay me no mind."

Her words recalled a childhood memory when he struggled with keeping his temper. It was his uncle who showed him how to control and calm the rage within him. Later he learned how to focus that anger to give more speed and power to his attacks, whether unarmed or armed. It wasn't always easy to keep his anger in check now, without battles where he could burn it off or the gentle touch of his late wife. Perhaps he could find a way in his work as a police officer as there was certain to be times when he'll have to use either blade, gun or hand to deal with true threats.

"Dealing with change is always a challenge and often very difficult to adapt to," Shintaro said, exhaling slowly before looking over at her. "Having the support of friends is helpful but in the end, it comes down to one's own will to adapt to change. Better yet, to use one's will to change what is in our power to change because trying to change a country is a long and bloody affair."

He wasn't sure why he added the last comment, it really had little to do with what Tully was referring to. Unfortunately he couldn't help but think of all the events leading up to the Boshin war and how in the end, it was for naught, the revels won and Japan changed completely to the point he wasn't even sure he could recognize it anymore.

Tully drew her knees up to her chest, nodding.  "Thank ya fer helpin' me," she murmured, giving Shin a small smile.  "Didn't no one ever take th' time ta talk about that kinda thing with me."  Her grin widened.  "I didn't never let anyone take th' time.  Reckon Mr. McVey'd be willin' ta help."

She shrugged, taking a breath as she pondered her options and how she'd want to move forward.  She certainly was tired of hiding in the shadows, not that she wanted to be among people.  But she did want to walk the streets without wanting to hide, to talk to people who crossed her path, even just to sit outside the newspaper office and watch the world go by.

"Truly isn't nice sleepin' under stairs an' stayin' away from folks."  Then she chuckled.  "So long as no one wants ta put me in lace an' ribbons!"

Shintaro faced similar challenges himself when arriving in America. Being one of the few Japanese people Americans ever had the chance to see he was most often mistaken for Chinese. It often left him feeling isolated, no longer part of a community. It was a hard adjustment given every samurai was either part of a clan or considered ronin, about the lowest position a samurai could be in society, barely a step above peasant. He may have some bitterness about how the Shinsengumi was treated during the Boshin War but he still had pride in being part of them.

"Being part of a group is important, especially to my people, whether its one's clan, household or the organization they serve," Shintaro said, deciding to explain a little of what it meant to him to be part of something again. "When I came here, it felt very lost, as I was no longer part of a community. I was treated as an outsider, given little to no respect at all. It wasn't easy to be accepted as who I am. In truth it wasn't till I came here to Kelispell have I been able to feel like I'm part of something again. To be given the honour and trust to help keep the peace here means more to me than I can explain."

"Though I cannot be certain, building trust with more of Kelispels inhabitants would be good for you," Shintaro continued, hoping his own believes weren't completely alien to Westerners, at least not in being an active part of a community. "There are good people here, ones who do deserve your trust. I would be pleased if you see me as one of those who deserve your trust. If I do I will make sure never to break that trust."

Shintaro smiled slightly, understanding typical clothing amoung Western women wasn't something Tully was interested in. He couldn't blame her, what he had seen American women wearing in San Francisco and other areas of America, it looked highly restrictive and impractical. He wondered how Tully would look in a kimono and found he liked the mental image. A shame he couldn't arrange for her to wear one, if his wife had been alive it would have been possible but with her gone, even if he had one of her kimonos he didn't know how to properly dress it it. He would end up dressing her as he would himself. Then again that may be perfectly fine with Tully.

"You do not like lace and ribbons?" he asked, curious as to why she shunned traditional woman's clothing.

"I trust ya," Tully murmured, more confident in that than she sounded.  Even though she'd only known Shin for a short time, there was a calm steadiness in him that made her enjoy his company.  "An' Mr. McVey an' Miss Katherine...enough fer now."  

Too many people around, too many 'friends', could be confusing, she thought, or, well, maybe not seem so genuine, so she'd stick with a few to begin with, until she got used to not being dependent only on herself.

"You do not like lace and ribbons?"

"Not terrible practical," she answered, shrugging.  "All itchy an' scratchy," she laughed, "too tight ta move in, an' ya gotta worry 'bout gettin' dirty an' all.  Don't make much sense fer a gal like me."  At least the clothes she had now were clean, didn't need patches and fit!

Shintaro inclined his head slightly when she said she trusted him. To have any young woman say that, especially one who didn't really know him was a pleasure. He didn't know many people who he trusted but his gut was telling him he could trust Tully much the same way he felt he could trust the Marshall and a few other people in town. Thinking on it now, he realized just how different the atmosphere was in Kelispell compared to San Francisco and other places he had been since coming to America.

"I don't know Mr. McVey or Miss Katherine all that well myself but what I've seen and heard of them, they do sound like good people and worthy of your trust." Shintaro couldn't help but feel honoured to be one of the few people Tully claim to trust. "I'm touched I'm amoung the few you trust and will do my best to continue to deserve that honour."

As he had never worn lace or ribbons he couldn't say whether they were itchy or too tight. Once again he wondered will she enjoy a kimono instead of Western clothing for women. Kimono's could be restrictive till you were used moving in them. Then again there was a huge difference in the style of Japanese clothing for women among peasants than what was worn by women of samurai families, especially wealthy ones.

"My wife once told me she enjoyed wearing kimono not because it was what Japanese women typically wore but it was because it made her feel beautiful. The colours and patterns, the way they fit her body and most importantly the way it made me smile." Shintaro looked away slightly at this last bit, realizing it was a bit too personal to have shared. He hadn't been able to afford as fine clothing once they had moved to America that he had been able to purchase before the Boshin War. He brought in quite a bit of money once he joined the Shinsengumi but those funds had dried up completely after the Boshin War. With all that happened duirng the Meiji Restoration he doubted he would have been able to afford to keep the two of them fed, much less spend money on anything fancy. Times had been tough in America but they had been better off than what would have happened if they stayed in Japan.

"A shame there is nobody here who could make a Kimono and hte usual assessories necessary to wear one. They are something far more beautiful and more comfortable to wear than Western dresses. It would be interesting to see if you would enjoy wearing one, even one designed for everyday wear on the farm. Not that those were fancy."

Tully caught Shin's comment about his wife, but didn't follow it more than to murmur, "I bet she was right pretty."  Indeed, she was genuinely curious to see what a woman from Japan looked like, likely with jet black hair and dark, mysterious eyes...

"There's a man in town that makes dresses an' clothes an' whatnot," Tully pointed out, "but I ain't sure how that works."  She shrugged, curious about what a kimono would look like, and how it would be to wear one.  "Don't reckon a body could climb a tree in one?"  

Of course, 'ladies' shouldn't be climbing trees, but sometimes that was a good way for Tully to get away from the world.

"Ya know, I could try sketchin' yer wife, if you've a mind?  Could tell me how she looked an' I can try..."  Well, maybe that was a bad idea.