Even though Emeline trusted Alice implicitly, it was still difficult to let Wheeler out of her sight.  And that didn't help with her anxiety of going into the interview.  While she knew that she should have been going over the details in her head to keep them fresh, she didn't want to continue reliving it.  She'd spoken it once, and today would be the last, and in a way, she wished that Barnabas didn't have to be there, but she knew he needed to be.

Clutching her husband's hand in both of hers, she followed Speed, glad that this would be over soon.

Shintaro smiled, knowing exactly what Tully meant. He too took comfort in the sounds of nature, seeing and hearing all the beauty around him. It was especially important when death could be just around the corner. He fought in many battles both before and during the Boshin War, seeing blood and death all around him. He took pleasure in the sight of his foes falling away from his sword, their blood spilling upon the ground. That didn't meant once the fighting was over he wasn't left with the horror war brought to so many. So many widows, mothers, sons and daughters wailing over the loss of loved ones. The only way to move past the death and blood was to know how to cleanse one's mind of such images and focus once more on the present and the knowledge you live yet another day.

"The same focus you have when drawing is the same mindset you need to reach while meditating and especially when in a dangerous or frightening situation. With your mind focused, you'll find it easier to react to it, whether its preparing to use self defense to protect yourself or others, or if it would be wiser to leave as quickly as you can. Even if somebody else is in danger, it may be best to run to get help than engage in the situation yourself, especially if the odds are against you."

As a samurai it was expected he would be ready to throw his life away for duty but most Lords didn't want their men to throw their lives away needlessly. Samurai were highly skilled warriors and wasting their lives for trivial reasons was just foolish and worse, dishonourable. Coming back with reinforcements or sounding alarms before rushing into battle often was the wisest course.

Tully chuckled, shaking her head.  "Been told plenty'a times that my head's empty.  An' now I want it that way, it ain't!"  She grinned, but then paused for a moment.  "Ya know, what ya said about th' sounds...yer right, I always did find comfort there, in th' birds, th' wind through th' pines, rain, frogs, never did think on it that way, but, well, it's like that kinda noise is like a friend?  An' th' drawin'...I'm concentratin' on that, like, th' rest of th' world is there, but all I'm aware of is what I'm drawin'."

She wasn't sure that that made sense to Shin, but he didn't seem the sort that would mock her.  Her grin returned.  "Seems like I  was already doin' some'a that, just didn't know.  'Course, now I don't hafta worry 'bout no one chasin' me off or doin' me harm."

Shin gave a slight smile, hearing the frustration in her voice. He said the exact same thing when he was first taught to meditate. He had plenty of things going around his mind at the time, though he was quite young back then.

"It takes practice to empty your mind," he said, opening his eyes to look at her. He was already relaxed, alert and ready for anything while feeling calm and at peace. "If your thoughts keep distracting you, envision them being written down in paper, or the images themselves appearing on paper. Then fold that paper and set it aside, it can be looked over another time. Keep doing this till thoughts are no longer swirling around your mind."

"The important thing is to not let yourself feel frustrated or distracted, instead become aware of your body, of how the sun feels on your shoulders, the sounds of the birds in the trees, the creak of a wagon wheel, the clip clop of the horses feet as he moves the wagon along. Find that sense of peace and calm of being here in the moment. It may not happen right away, probably not even today, or the next day but with practice, it will come easier."

The future...

That was something that Tully had never put much thought into...at least the distant future.  Life had been the struggle of planning what to do in the next day, the next few hours -- where would she find a meal...when would she find a meal, where would she stay the night, how could she avoid being seen and harassed.

But now, she had a place to stay, assured meals, decent clothes, and people to look out for her.  Mr. McVey and Katherine let her stay in the small storeroom at the back of the Union office and didn't press her to move into a 'real' room at a boarding house, they made sure she had food, were teaching her to read and write...

Things had changed drastically for her in the past few months, but she was so ingrained in the past that she was slow to accept that.  But now, Shin had forced her hand, and maybe the meditation could help her accept what was right in front of her.

Shifting so that she was sitting cross-legged as he showed her, Tully watched Shin for a moment, then relaxed her back and shoulders and closed her eyes.

One deep breath, let out slowly, then another, and she could feel her body relaxing, feel some of the tension sliding away...

But then she did the rest...envisioning...more than the surface things she'd allowed in her thoughts, but things she'd pushed down and kept hidden even from herself.  

Frustrated, she shook her head.  "They ain't flowin' out," she grumbled, "just swirlin' around in my head..."

In so many villagers, an orphaned child would never be alone, often a community would raise such children together. It was different among the truly poor who had no choice but to give up a child just to ensure they had enough rice to feed the children they already had. Japan under the Shogunate wasn't perfect, but he doubted any form of government ever was. It would especially be hard for female children, which were deemed of less value to the family unit than a boy child. Many ended up in the pleasure districts, especially pretty ones.

"You're life was hard, that I can see from what you've told me thus far. In Japan, especially among the samurai families, an orphaned child would always be taken care of, either raised by the clan as a whole or adopted into another family, usually relatives but sometimes friends or neighbors." Shintaro didn't know why he said this, it wouldn't mean anything to her nor be a comfort. "But this is not Japan. Nothing can be done to change what you've gone through in the past but meditation and focus can leave it behind where it belongs, clearing your mind to stay in the present and prepare for the future."

Shintaro drew his legs up onto the crate and sat cross-legged, resting his hands on his knees. "This position is a common one for meditation, keeping your back straight but relaxed with hands on your knees as you see here."

"Now, take a deep breath through your nose, pulling from the pit of your stomach then upwards till your lungs are as full as you can get them. Hold it for a second then slowly release from your mouth. As you do this, envision all your fears, worries and unease flowing out of you along with the air of your lungs. Repeat several times till you feel your body relax." Shintaro demonstrated as he instructed, his mind quickly relaxing as he was used to doing this. Many times before battle he would take a moment to focus his mind and get rid of any anxiety or fear he may feel before battle.

His voice was quiet and soothing, and Tully found herself relaxing as Shin spoke to her.  And she found that his words made sense, and reached a part of her that she'd kept suppressed to protect herself.

"I want that," she murmured softly, looking up at him.  "I want ta..."  She shrugged, not sure how to put it to words.  "Not be...afraid, lonely, maybe, thinkin' I can't trust no one..."

She was seeking a lot, seeking the reversal of a lifetime of protecting her soul by avoiding people.  But maybe this meditation thing might help.

As he didn't know the full details of what happened when Tully saved Frances, he couldn't say if her panic attack was the real reason she was able to save her. Most likely it was the shock of having somebody go into a wild panic attack. Either way, it was never a good thing to rely on a loss of control to save the day in any dangerous situation.

"A few bruises but nothing to worry about," he responded. "It's pretty typical to be bruised after jiujitsu practice."

"As a samurai, what we call a warrior who serves a lord, fighting and risking one's life is expected. During my time with the shinsengumi there ware many times I fought criminals. Death was always a possibility and a clear head was necessary at all times to avoid making a mistake. Years of training makes it easier to keep fear at bay and focus on the fight. However, what truly made it easier for me to keep my emotions under control was meditation."

"I can teach you meditation methods which help clear the mind and bring one's focus to the moment, pushing aside distractions. With practice you will able to reach that same state of inner calm within a heartbeat and face any situation clear headed and in control of your emotions."

"Alice!"  Emeline broke into a wide as her friend hugged her, and sank into the embrace, fighting back emotions that were stirring again.  But Alice distracted her with a comment about Wheeler, and Emeline stepped back, taking a breath.  "He really is growing quickly, soon he'll be walking and then chasing around the ranch after his father!"

That Love had a wanted poster from California really said something about the man, and hopefully, Barnabas wouldn't underestimate him.

"I don't know what he wanted with us," she murmured with a shrug, "and it's all the more despicable that he used those people to do his dirty work.  I want to feel some empathy for the young woman, but..."  She shrugged.  No matter how addled she might be, even a small child would know basic right from wrong.  "I just want this behind us."