Address me as Hon. Hiram Priest, esq.
"... would you like to become her legal guardian? I can do up the paperwork and certify it pretty quickly."
"ME?!"
She frowned and then asked Priest frankly "What would I get out of it? I've already gotten three sons and three daughters. I want to get rid of this one: she's eating me out of house and home!"
Hiram held up his hands, palm sides out.
"Whoa! This would only be a temporary arrangement in order for you to lodge the complaint on her behalf. And once it's adjudicated, you can abrogate the guardianship. Then you can wipe your hands of the whole affair. Maybe she'd be willing to assign some of the possible settlement money on you?"
Hiram concluded that the Greeks could have used her at the siege of Troy.
"So, I'd be willing to put the paperwork together for the guardianship. That would be the first stop. Of course she'd have to be willing. You just can do it without her knowledge and consent. Then I'd be most happy to take the case if there's any merit to it after my investigation."
He sent another stream of tobacco juice dead center in the spittoon.
"What do you say?"
Oh dear, we're all of a flutter!
"Whoa! This would only be a temporary arrangement in order for you to lodge the complaint on her behalf. And once it's adjudicated, you can abrogate the guardianship."
"'Abrogate' it, huh?" Well, the feller's vocabulary was as fancy as his stove-pipe-hat and his suit; quite to be expected in a lawyer, she supposed.
"Then you can wipe your hands of the whole affair. Maybe she'd be willing to assign some of the possible settlement money on you?"
She shook her head.
"Money's important, Mr Priest, and I'm no saint, believe me, but I'm not doing this as a speculation. I actually want to help the girl get, well, set up in life somehow. I have my reasons which I'd rather not discuss. Now, if I was interested in this Guardianship..."
"So, I'd be willing to put the paperwork together for the guardianship. That would be the first stop. Of course she'd have to be willing. You just can do it without her knowledge and consent. Then I'd be most happy to take the case if there's any merit to it after my investigation."
She frowned in thought. Priest sure didn't let the grass grow under his feet.
"What do you say?"
The woman looked distant for a second and then snapped back into focus with a look of firm resolve upon her face.
"All right, let's do it." she replied. "Where do we start?"
Address me as Hon. Hiram Priest, esq.
"So, I'd be willing to put the paperwork together for the guardianship. That would be the first stop. Of course she'd have to be willing. You just can do it without her knowledge and consent. Then I'd be most happy to take the case if there's any merit to it after my investigation."
She frowned in thought. Priest sure didn't let the grass grow under his feet.
"What do you say?"
The woman looked distant for a second and then snapped back into focus with a look of firm resolve upon her face.
"All right, let's do it." she replied. "Where do we start?"
Hiram smiled broadly.
He stood up and moved to a sideboard. On it was a whiskey decanter and some polished shot glasses. Ralph always kept the "office" well stocked.
"If you could arrange a meeting between the young lady in question, yourself and me, I will draw up the papers, and we can get started on our case."
He filled a shot glass, picked it up and held it to the lamplight.
"Would you like a glass to celebrate. Frankly, from what you've already said, I think we have a solid case. Just a snort to mark this occasion?"
His near-wicked exuberance would be hard to resist.
Oh dear, we're all of a flutter!
"If you could arrange a meeting between the young lady in question, yourself and me, I will draw up the papers, and we can get started on our case."
"Uh huh" Patty Senior nodded.
He filled a shot glass, picked it up and held it to the lamplight.
"Would you like a glass to celebrate. Frankly, from what you've already said, I think we have a solid case. Just a snort to mark this occasion?"
"Sure, if it's the good stuff" the formidable woman concurred, before giving an almighty shriek of "FLOOOOOOR-ENCE!!!"
The door flew open and the bespectacled younger version of her mother tumbled in with a "WHAT?! I mean... yes, Mother?"
"Listening at the door, huh? What have I told you a bout that?" snapped the mother. To do it Flo thought, even if she didn't say it out loud.
"Now, run along and fetch Miss Lister here immediately... Mr Priest wishes to interview her."
"Yes, Mother" Florence answered obediently, although she was heard to mutter quite audibly as she left "... if I can get the big lump through the door"
Patty turned a beaming smile back to Hiram "Now, where's that drink?"
Address me as Hon. Hiram Priest, esq.
"Now, run along and fetch Miss Lister here immediately... Mr Priest wishes to interview her."
"Yes, Mother" Florence answered obediently, although she was heard to mutter quite audibly as she left "... if I can get the big lump through the door"
Hiram was quite taken aback by the mother's battle axe delivery. Patty would be a good candidate for head mistress of a girl's school, some heady institution like Wellesley or Bryn Mawr. He had visions of a group of girls standing in line, hands outstretched for inspection.
"These nails look like you exhumed your grandmother with your bare hands! I expect an improvement by the time I see you at assembly this evening."
Patty turned a beaming smile back to Hiram "Now, where's that drink?"
Hiram poured from the decanter, filling the glass almost to the rim.
"Here you are, Miss Patty," he said as he swept the glass off the desk and over to the woman's waiting hand.
"This is the best whiskey that can be found in these parts," he announced. "It is the best rye from A. Overholt & Company. This particular bottle came all the way from St. Louis. I've saved it for a special occasion, like this one."
A new lease on life, indeed. So far it had been a great day for Hiram.
Oh dear, we're all of a flutter!
"Here you are, Miss Patty," he said as he swept the glass off the desk and over to the woman's waiting hand.
"Mrs Patterson Forde, if you please, Mr Priest, let's keep this businesslike" she chided as she willingly took the glass. The old lawyer didn't let this put him off his stride.
"This is the best whiskey that can be found in these parts," he announced. "It is the best rye from A. Overholt & Company. This particular bottle came all the way from St. Louis. I've saved it for a special occasion, like this one."
If Patty was meant to be impressed that something came from Saint Louis, she wasn't: but she did like that the man stocked the good stuff and doled it out in generous portions.
"When my family moved from Canada, we lived a while near Overton, Pennsylvania, where they make this stuff." she said, making conversation while they waited for the inevitably slow process of bringing Sis to them to be completed. "I visited the distillery once, it was quite fascinating. They were putting out a 1000 gallons a day..." that was a slight exaggeration, it was more like 860 gallons "... the old boy who ran the place was of German extraction, like me, and we got on like a house on fire."
Ma Patterson Forde rabbited on, studiously avoiding the topic of Sis until the girl actually arrived, her coming telegraphed by some heavy and ponderous clumping noises as she was brought up the stairs by Flo.
There was a pregnant pause before the door swung open and the gigantic figure of Cicely Lister stooped to avoid hitting her head on the door jamb and lumbered into the small office, instantly filling the room.
Patty pulled over a chair, checking first that it looked strong, and bade the girl "Sit down Cicely, this is Mr Priest, he wants to help you."
The massive girl turned her impassive, uninterested eyes on the lawyer.
"He's old" she said.
Address me as Hon. Hiram Priest, esq.
"When my family moved from Canada, we lived a while near Overton, Pennsylvania, where they make this stuff." she said, making conversation while they waited for the inevitably slow process of bringing Sis to them to be completed. "I visited the distillery once, it was quite fascinating. They were putting out a 1,000 gallons a day..." that was a slight exaggeration, it was more like 860 gallons "... the old boy who ran the place was of German extraction, like me, and we got on like a house on fire."
Priest took a sip from his glass and smiled appreciatively. She was certainly an old codger, one who resented flattery.
Ma Patterson Forde rabbited on, studiously avoiding the topic of Sis until the girl actually arrived, her coming telegraphed by some heavy and ponderous clumping noises as she was brought up the stairs by Flo.
Hiram thought it might be old Jim Henry "in his cups", staggering his way to the office to bitch about something.
There was a pregnant pause before the door swung open and the gigantic figure of Cicely Lister stooped to avoid hitting her head on the door jamb and lumbered into the small office, instantly filling the room.
Priest, both feet on the floor, pushed his chair back to the wall.
Patty pulled over a chair, checking first that it looked strong, and bade the girl "Sit down Cicely, this is Mr. Priest, he wants to help you."
The massive girl turned her impassive, uninterested eyes on the lawyer.
"He's old" she said.
"Ha!" Hiram expelled. "You're right about that, young lady." He turned to Patty. "We're here to speak the truth. I don't take offense."
The large girl filled the chair from arm to arm, and it was a sight to see.
"So. Let me fill you in on what this is all about." He took his glass and polished off the contents. "From what Miss Patterson-Forde tells me, you have a good claim for injuries. Something about a gunshot, a wound, and consequential cover-ups and misdeeds. The problem is, you are not old enough to file a suit. Someone has to do that on your behalf. Ordinarily it is a youngin's Ma and Pa, but I hear yours are deceased. So, after talking to Miss Patterson-Forde, she has agreed to act as your guardian so that she can pursue a lawsuit on your behalf."
"How does that sound to you?"
Best give me the baby, Mrs Pike
"So. Let me fill you in on what this is all about." He took his glass and polished off the contents. "From what Miss Patterson-Forde tells me, you have a good claim for injuries. Something about a gunshot, a wound, and consequential cover-ups and misdeeds. The problem is, you are not old enough to file a suit. Someone has to do that on your behalf. Ordinarily it is a youngin's Ma and Pa, but I hear yours are deceased. So, after talking to Miss Patterson-Forde, she has agreed to act as your guardian so that she can pursue a lawsuit on your behalf."
Big Sis looked blank. Hiram tried to elicit a response from the gigantic girl.
"How does that sound to you?"
She swivelled her head and looked at Mrs Patterson Forde.
"Wha's he say?" she asked in a hoarse contralto.
The busy little woman tried to translate.
"He says I'm going to be your Mommy from now on, Cicely, and nice Mr Priest here is going to make that nasty Mr Pike give you some money for shooting you so wickedly!"
Sis swivelled her head back to Priest and considered him for a moment, then suddenly, with surprising agility she was on her feet and surging toward the skinny man with the aspect of Picket's charge at Gettysburg, as seen from the receiving end, and then before he knew it, she had enfolded him in her massive arms, his ears no doubt too muffled to hear her booming monotone "Fank you Mister Peest!"
Patty watched the scene with a look reminiscent of someone witnessing a particularly nasty railroad accident.
Address me as Hon. Hiram Priest, esq.
"Wha's he say?" she asked in a hoarse contralto.
The busy little woman tried to translate.
"He says I'm going to be your Mommy from now on, Cicely, and nice Mr. Priest here is going to make that nasty Mr. Pike give you some money for shooting you so wickedly!"
Sis swivelled her head back to Priest and considered him for a moment, then suddenly, with surprising agility she was on her feet and surging toward the skinny man with the aspect of Picket's charge at Gettysburg, as seen from the receiving end, and then before he knew it, she had enfolded him in her massive arms, his ears no doubt too muffled to hear her booming monotone "Fank you Mister Peest!"
The frail lawyer was enveloped in the young girl's voluminous folds of dress material. It reminded him of when he was a small toddler and got trapped inside his mother's wardrobe closet. The girl's clothes smelled of camphor.
She probably didn't hear his muffled protests.
Priest was finally able to push her away and take a breath.
"Please dear," he begged. "I haven't won your case yet."
He tugged at his flock coat lapels.
"Now. Please be seated and we will get this case on horseback." He cleared his voice and continued. "What we must do now is sign the guardianship agreement." Reaching for some paper and a pen, and reaching over to the nearby desktop, he began to write, muttering: "Know all men by these presents that," more muttering "This Legal Guardianship Agreement is made and entered into."
Priest looked over the top of his glasses at the behemoth seated across from him.
"Your full name?" he asked her.
Best give me the baby, Mrs Pike
After getting Sis to put the poor fellow back down, Mrs Patterson Forde appraised Priest as he went through the theatre of the lawyer's office, muttering the jargon of the solicitor's trade. Eventually he looked at the big girl and asked.
"Your full name?" he asked her.
A simple enough question, but still one that caused the imbecile girl to frown and look at Patty, who answered for her.
"Cicely Jane Lister"
"Like Jane at your house" Sis gave a dopey smile, thinking of the girl whose bed she had usurped, much to that little girl's disgust, in the crowded Patterson Forde household.
"Yes, just like Jane at our house" agreed the dumpy blonde woman "Now, do listen to Mr Priest carefully, Cicely, and try and answer his questions."
"Sorry Mister Piste" mumbled Sis.